It sucks when you’ve been dating (not officially together) someone for a few months, and then he falls off the face of the earth. A few months later, he resurfaces with a full-blown relationship and maybe even an engagement.
You are left wondering why her and not me? What is it about me? Was it all in my head?
Now you’re angry. Angry at him for playing with your heart, for not telling you what he was feeling, for stringing you along all those months, for not ‘gently’ letting you down.
You’re angry at her for being chosen.
Angry at yourself for allowing this man to get inside your skin! Angry for misinterpreting every little glance, every word, every forehead kiss, every moment you held on so tightly to. Your head’s saying ‘ If he’s chosen someone else, then he wasn’t meant for me. It’s fine, I’m moving on’, but your heart….your heart is hurt. You are bruised.
You feel less than
Now you are comparing yourself to her. What was it about her that made him choose her. Is she prettier, smarter, funnier? You start to examine all your flaws. ‘maybe it’s because of my spots and stretchmarks’ ‘maybe I played the game wrong’ OR the hard truth….’maybe he’s just not that into me’. Whatever it is, you think its because something is wrong with YOU.
…and then the self pity kicks in. The victim mindset. You start feeling sorry for yourself. ‘woe is me’ ‘I’ll never find a spouse’ ‘no-one will ever choose me’. The tears, anxiety and lack of self-worth begin to manifest.
Few months go by, now you are bitter. No man is ever going to make you feel this way again. You are determined to ‘play the game’ You change the way you walk, the way you do things, you become someone you think you need to be, you put a mask on a wall up just so you don’t get hurt again. You guard yourself.
Here’s the thing though…
Emma Stone said something profound…’I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself’. It’s the best version of you. Trust me when I say you will meet someone who will love every bit of you. Someone who will think your flaws are the most beautiful thing about you. He will love you just as you are.
So what if he didn’t like you… You can’t make everyone like you. Be confident in who you are and know that everything happens for a reason. Things have a way of working out. You don’t feel like it right now but I promise you, you will look back on this one day and see that this had to happen for you to get to where you are now.
So Stand Tall! Be the woman I know you can be! You Are Enough!