What should you say to your husband every day to make sure he is feeling the love in your communication? They say that good communication is the absolute bedrock of a great marriage, and I also believe that you should be very strategic and intentional about your communication. So if you want to begin to use communication strategically to bring healing into your marriage, to improve your relationship, the intimacy between you and your husband, and to create an environment that is full of love – I have five phrases that you need to include in your daily communication marriage.
#1 What Can I Do For You?
The first one is, “What can I do for you?” You know, sometimes we don’t even realise that our communication can be so selfish. It’s always, I want, I want, I want, give me, get me, do this, do that. But when we specifically, strategically and intentionally take the time to say, “What can I do for you?” it positions you as somebody who loves your spouse enough to serve.
When somebody who is asking me, “How can I make you happy? How can I make your life a bit easier? How can I show you that I love you?” That feels amazing! So, I would like to encourage you to ask your spouse daily: “Is there anything I can do for you? Is there anything I can help you with?”
Sometimes my husband comes back and he’s struggling with a few things at work. I always ask him, “How can I help? Is there anything I can do to help you?” That lets my husband know that I’m on his team, I’m on his side and I’ve got his back.
#2 You Are Amazing At…
The second phrase that needs to be intentionally included in your communication within your marriage is, “Babe, you are amazing at…” whatever. “You are great at… ” whatever. “You are so good at…” whatever. Listen, everybody loves a bit of praise. It makes us feel good, it feeds our confidence, it boosts our self-esteem, especially if it comes from the person we want to impress the most, which is our spouse.
When your spouse comes to you and tells you that you’re great at something, it goes a long way to boost your confidence. Something that I always say is that you need to be your spouse’s number one champion. Their number one fan. Their number one cheerleader. When you’re cheering them at home, they can go out there, be amazing and come back to you knowing that you’re the person that is behind them, telling them what they are great at. Sometimes we are so quick to point out the negatives and each other’s weaknesses. We’re so quick to point out each other’s faults that it can often make us just recoil back and not want to be ourselves in a relationship. But when you take the time every day to point out something good about a person, it helps to bring you guys together as a team.
#3 I Love You Because of…
The third phrase that needs to be brought into your communication within your marriage more intentionally is “I love you because of...” I’ve heard too many couples saying, “Oh, she knows I love her.” “He knows I love him.” “I don’t need to say it do I?”
I believe that you need to be saying these words as often as possible. You need to make sure that this person never forgets that you love them. Don’t just say the ‘L’ word, give them a reason why you love them. Again, it goes a long way to making sure that they feel nice, safe and secure with you and that they never have an excuse to forget that there is somebody at home who loves them.
This person tells me every single day that they love me, and I need to receive that from them. Tell your spouse every day whether it’s every morning, afternoon, or evening. “I love you because of…” whatever the reason is.
#4 Thank You
So, here’s a phrase that also needs to be spoken strategically as often as possible. If you have to say this 10 times a day, then so be it. This phrase is “Thank you“. Some of you complain that your husband or my spouse doesn’t help around the house enough or doesn’t get involved in things when it comes to your family or the home. Maybe it’s because you just don’t show any gratitude.
Saying thank you to somebody regularly, even for the small things, makes sure that they don’t start to feel taken for granted. They don’t start to feel used. They don’t start to feel unappreciated. There’s nothing worse than feeling unappreciated and undervalued. But when you take the time out for each little thing to just say thank you, it lets your spouse know that you appreciate them. You appreciate their effort. You appreciate their time. You appreciate the work that they do. You appreciate who they are.
#5 How Are You?
And the last of the five phrases I want you to begin to include in your communication with your marriage is very simple. “How are you?” But like genuinely, “How are you?”.
We need to be asking our spouse how they are every single day. And not a quick “How are you?” as you’re rushing off to go and do something else. I mean sitting down, whether it be for one minute or five to really look in the eyes of your spouse and just say, “How are you? How are you feeling today? What’s been going on with you? Let’s connect for a moment. Let’s just talk. You just tell me how you’re feeling. I’ll tell you how I’m feeling, but I’m here to sit and I’m here to listen to you. What’s going through your mind?”
I always ask my husband; ”What’s in your heart right now? What’s going through your mind? How are you feeling?” I want to know, and I want him to know that I’m here to listen to him. Even if I can’t do anything about it, I’m a sounding board. He can pour out his heart on me. Even if it’s just telling me “No babe, I’m fine”. I’m glad to hear that.
Be intentional about making sure that your spouse knows that you care about how they feel and what they’re going through. That’s how we can become our spouse’s confidant and best friend. Because you know what, you can be the one person in the world he will always take time out to find out genuinely how you are. How are you?
That’s five phrases that I truly believe if you practice including them in your daily communication, you will see an improvement in your marriage, the way you talk to each other and your intimacy. Learning how to improve communication in your marriage will also help you increase PEACE in your home!