In today’s society, not having sex is taboo. ‘How else can you show you love someone? It’s just sex, no big deal’, ‘It brings us together’ ‘if he doesn’t get it here, he will find it else where’ or the classic ‘we are getting married anyway’. These are all myths that I’m wiping out right now. Sex is beautiful but can be destructive when had out of the constitution of marriage. Sex is an exchange. Everything your partner has, you inherit by opening up that part of you.
As a Christian practicing celibacy whilst in a relationship, there are procedures I’ve had to put in place to make sure I stay in check.
Avoid alone time
I’m in a long distance relationship so when we see each other, we want plenty of uninterrupted time. But this is dangerous, especially when you are madly attracted to each other. If you don’t want people around while doing whatever it is your doing, then you KNOW it’s wrong. Netflix and chill…do it with another couple, or some of your close friends. Don’t go to his house at night, better yet don’t see him at night. Don’t share a bed. Just know that, if you guys are by yourselves, the temptation is way too high. Just avoid it all together.
Eliminate ALL sex
True celibacy means all sexual activity ceases. You are lying to yourself if you think you can have oral sex and not go all the way. Believe me! That’s why it’s called foreplay. By partaking, you are preparing both your mind and body for sex. Walking away after that level of stimulation is hard, and dare I say, impossible. Even if you somehow manage to get away with it the first few times, I guarantee it will happen at some point. Have a conversation with your partner and just make sure you are both on the same page.
Avoid sex talk
‘Send me a picture to keep me going’ Don’t do it. Don’t engage in ‘what would you do if I was there’ IT’S A TRAP! Phone sex is a no. Take control of your mind and thoughts. There’s no point of talking about it when you know you can’t have it. What ends up happening is your mind starts justifying it and before you know it, you guys are together and BAM. Sex starts in the mind. If you start thinking about it, your body will soon follow and that’s a dangerous path to go down.
Don’t watch it.
And no I don’t mean pornography, although if that’s your poison, its probably not a good idea. What I mean is TV Shows. I love a good series….Power, Game of thrones, and many more. But nowadays it seems like it can’t be a good show if it doesn’t have sex! Guard your heart and your mind and be selective with what you allow in. Yes you might feel like you are missing out on great plots, especially when all your friends are talking about it, but commit to your journey and know why you are on it. The benefits later will outweigh this momentary inconvenience.
Get a partner who shares the same view
This is almost self-explanatory. It’s going to be a lot harder if your partner doesn’t share your beliefs. If he is pressuring you to have sex every time you meet then is he the one? A good man will respect your decision. If he doesn’t, or wants to break up with you because you won’t have sex, hold the door wide open for him. You deserve someone who will wait with you.
Alright, that’s all I can think of for now but if there’s something in your current relationship that you know is a downfall for you, put a boundary in place. Commit to celibacy. Commit to intimacy without sex. Know why are doing it and stick to it. If you fall once, get up (literally) and try again.