I’m not trying to win every fight. I’m trying to win the success of my marriage. And if that means letting some things go, not always having the final word and sometimes just agreeing to disagree then so be it. I don’t need to win every fight anymore because I’m in this for the long haul. I’ve got my sights set on the prize of a marriage filled with understanding, peace and friendship.
The problem with trying to ‘win’ every fight or even just fighting until someone wins (there are no real winners in a fight between husband and wife) is that in the process people get hurt, and some wounds leave lasting scars. Words get thrown out that can’t be taken back. Levels of emotions are reached that often escalate issues to proportions that leaves the initial reason for the argument unrecognisable. How many times have you had an argument about something relatively small and just because of your desire to win, the dispute turned into a high emotion full force fight? You’ve said things that you didn’t mean and done things you didn’t mean to do. Gotten yourself so angry and worked up.
Then after all that, if someone asks you the next day what you were fighting over, most of the times you can’t even remember. And even if you can remember, as you relay the argument to the enquirer it often sounds ridiculous to you! The sad thing is, you’ve already caused damage to your relationship. Yes, its true, you’ll probably be able to move past it like you have done before, but it’s still a few steps backwards. Now you must work on rebuilding. How many times do you want to rebuild your relationship because of an unnecessary fight for a reason that you can barely remember. Was it really worth the trauma? Some of us are rebuilding every other day! It’s tiring…
I’d personally like to save any efforts of rebuilding for the aftermath of battles that were worth fighting for. This doesn’t mean that I just go about my marriage life completely avoiding conflict. Absolutely not. A little bit of disagreement is healthy. But what I work on doing now is being sensitive to the direction the disagreement is going and making a conscious effort to avoid full on fights. If its heading towards a fight, then I have to really way it up and ask myself if winning this particular argument is worth the awkward atmosphere and strained relationship afterwards. Are there others ways I could get my point across? Could I make my point clear finally and then just leave it there? Does he HAVE to agree with me or can we agree that we just don’t see eye to eye on this issue? And what do I lose by just letting it go? Nothing. What do I gain? Peace.
And in my time of marriage, I have learnt that the maintenance of ‘Peace’ is far more valuable than winning a fight with the man I love. Sometimes it’s wise to just let somethings slide, keep smiling and maintain peace.