The title alone gives the indication that this is some sort of ‘Power to the Women’ type of article. And in a way I guess it is – but not in any form of coalition to the feminism movement agenda – no, I am very much in favour of the biblical set up for men and women. However, this article IS about women being empowered; and loving themselves enough to know that their desire to be in a relationship should not drive them into relinquishing their precious God-given time to just any man who shows interest for now but has no plan for a committed future – as in marriage.
Recently, I recorded and posted a video on Facebook entitled ‘Don’t Let A Man Steal Your Years’ and was amazed at the response it received! With over 55,000 views in just a couple of days as well as a flurry of likes, shares and comments it was evident that this video spoke into the lives of many women. And as taken a back as I was by that, nothing prepared me for the influx of direct messages I received from women across the world who felt moved to share with me that they had wasted years in a relationship they knew almost from the get go was never going anywhere – yet for various reasons, including fear of being alone they stayed in a relationship that promised no security, no hope and often times no love.
So what drove me to record this video. Well a few weeks prior, I had been talking to a group of girls in my church who were between the ages of 23 and 35. Beautiful, intelligent ladies, all in relationships that they recognised were not going anywhere. And yet, even with this knowledge they were willing to let the men they were with steal their years. And actually, come to think of it, is it still stealing if you are fully aware of the theft and you’re allowing it to happen?
Some might say, what’s the big deal? Should every relationship lead to marriage? Surely it is better to have someone in your life than no one at all? Well, firstly yes it IS a big deal! Any woman wasting their years, emotions, resources and even their sexuality on a man who is not their husband and has no plans of gaining that title is a very big deal to me. And yes, I am not naive enough to think that every relationship you get into will definitely lead to marriage, but at least once you are aware that there is no future (of which I believe becomes quite apparent earlier than we care to admit), a woman who knows her worth will not allow herself to be used as a comfort pillow for a man who wants all the goodies without the commitment. And actually NO! It’s not better to just have anyone in your life who is robbing you of years that the Lord granted to you to grow, develop and use for him until your rightful life partner comes along because you feel unable to be alone.
Having been in a 3-year relationship that had the words ‘Destined to Fail’ all over it right from the get go as well as other no-hope unions, but staying for reasons I can’t even clearly decipher – I can’t help but look back with a wince of regret. I know that the Lord works all things for good, but I am also fully aware of the amount of healing I had to go through to rid myself of baggage I’d collected from each failed relationship. Anger, insecurity, low self-esteem, humiliation, resentment, bitterness, defensiveness, jealousy…and the list could goes on. All this unnecessary baggage collected from relationships that if I was honest with myself, I knew had no future and the guy had no plans of committing to me.
My hope for the video was to inform or remind women that they are precious. All of us are precious. Our years, emotions, bodies…every aspect of our lives should be of the highest value to us and not given away to someone who doesn’t place enough value on us to want to make a life time commitment.
It’s easy to just let life roll along, be in a dead end relationship, ignoring the evidence of no future, yet keeping our fingers crossed hopeful that the gentle voice of the Lord telling us that He has a better plan for us is wrong – because the thought of going back out into single world terrifies us. If that person is you, I would first like to tell you that you are not alone. We have all been fools in love at one stage or another. But secondly, I have to look at you straight in the eye and tell you that if you know within your heart that this relationship in which you have invested time, emotions and resources is not going anywhere then LEAVE! Leave today! I absolutely encourage you without repentance to walk out of your dead-end relationship that you know will not lead with marriage. You are too precious to be wasted and you deserve better. In fact, you should want better because the Lord has called you for and desires you to have better.
Love this blog? Sign up to my newsletter for more straight to your inbox.