When it comes to making time for our relationships, I will often hear couples say things like this:
"We're too busy for each other."
"We don't have time to date."
"Sex is the last thing on my agenda. Too many other things to do."
Time is an amazing precious gift. We all get the same amount and have the power to allocate it to whatever we want (we like to believe that our time is controlled by others but actually we have a choice. That topic is for a whole other blog post).
We tend to allocate precious time slots to things, activities, and people that we determine as important or valuable. We prioritise the things that are most important to us whilst the things that aren't so important or pressing slip down the list. Sometimes this is done subconsciously. But you can always gauge what the most important thing, person, or activity is to you by how much time you are willing to allocate to it.
Do You Value Your Relationship?
So the things that we value the most get more of our time or at least they feature highly on the list of importance enough that they get regular time even if the time allocation isn't as long as maybe other activities such as working the day job. And yet again, the things that don't hold as much value get side-lined easily and often.
Also, consider this, whenever something or someone loses value to us, we start to take it for granted. We don't care for it as much. It can begin to frustrate us. We stop seeing its beauty and usefulness. It gets discarded.
Guess what...so many of us have done this to our marriages. We got complacent and allowed it to slip down our list of priorities. We started taking our partners for granted. Our relationship lost its shine. Other things become far more important and our relationships only get attention if there is NOTHING else to do - meaning that it is the last thing on our agendas. The insignificant thing. The unimportant thing.
The demotion in value also results in a demotion in priorities which is then reflected and solidified in our unwillingness to give it a significant time.
We don't have time for our relationship because it stopped being of great value to us.
ACTION:
If you are finding that disconnection in your relationship has developed. Your intimacy and communication may have been suffering and you just feel that you are both living in the same house but different lives...it might be worth assessing your time allocation.
Take a look at all the things you give time to. Then consider how much time you intentionally allocate to your relationship. If your relationship barely gets a look in, it's time to question your priorities. Bear in mind that your marriage success is based on what you pour into it consistently.
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