Avoiding the important issues in your relationship may seem like a wise thing to do to avoid conflict and keep the peace but actually, it is setting you up for resentment. One day, it will all come spilling over.
Today’s post is all about arming you with the tools to have those conversations in a manner that gets your point across, ensures both parties are heard and allows your both to recover quickly if things get a little bit heated.
Not all things need to be said all the time, at any time.
Before starting a conversation, I want you to ask yourself these three questions:
1 - Is this important to me?
Let’s stop this habit of raising every single thing that’s made us feel a certain way. Sometimes it’s less about your spouse, and more about your hypersensitivity.
2 - What is my desired outcome?
I find that many of us will enter into a conversation not really having the end goal in mind. Knowing what that is will enable you to guide the conversation toward your vision.
3- What would be the compromise?
You have to know where you will and won’t compromise because not everything that you're going to say or express is going to be as important to and understood by your spouse. So, it's important that you also get clear on the boundaries.
Figure out when the best time to raise an issue is
You won’t resolve conflict if you’re only thinking about yourself. You’ve got to think about how your spouse is going to receive what you say.
Make sure you understand your partner well enough to know when to have a heavy conversation and when not to.
Pro tip - It’s probably not the minute they’ve walked through the door after work.
It’s not always about fighting to the death in the moment
It's really about getting your point of view across, expressing your perspective and then listening and allowing the other person to express themselves. And again, be prepared if they don’t have the same perspective as you. This is where you’ve got to check your intentions - Is this about winning or coming to some form of mutual agreement?
If you can approach all of that with the backdrop of love, expressing yourself because you want your relationship to thrive, and not to pull the other person down, point out their flaws or get on your moral high ground, then your words and the tone will reflect that.
In a nutshell, It’s not about avoiding tough conversations. It’s about you having them rooted in love and understanding.
Want to radically transform your relationship and create the marriage you have always desired? Book a FREE Breakthrough Call with me.